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| neither do the tears right?
Can't stop crying... I'm tired.
It's too stressful, so many emotions. This is the first time I ever felt so suppressed, tired and yet still tried to put up a front.
I haven't cried like this in a long time, a year... maybe even longer than that
95616, I haven't found a connection with you yet. You have not yet had anything interesting for me to look forward to. I have no motivation, it's crazy. I was sad, and dreadful coming to you.
Money is tight. School is too expensive, it's ridiculous how people can't devote all their attention to school because they have to worry about paying their bills.
Hopefully my loan will come in time so I can pay rent for Ottembre and set aside the rent for the rest of this quarter.
I miss Andrew. He's going thru so much and I can't be there physically to support him. This feeling of un-usefulness is tearing me inside. I can't say anything. Well no, I can but I don't know what is right to tell him. Comforting is not my expertise. I'm anxious and worrying more now, after all of what happened to Lorenzo. I'm so scared that 'Drew would be caught up in COSTLY situation. He can't control his temper_ the spontaneity and impulsiveness.
Will go to the library and check out the Astro book tmr. No motherfucker be checking that book out before I do!
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| Got a day off from school so I went for a walk at Lake Chabot with Andrew. It was alot of fun. We were just walking, talking, being silly and more walking. Drew had a lot in his mind, I could tell he was debating if he should tell me. I didn't push it, after awhile he started telling me 'bout court thing earlier in the morning. I knew it couldn't be anything good.
I was sad, bummed out, and sad when I put the pieces together. I was mad at how it was never the right time with the right person. Not that he's for sure the right person, but he had potential_ we had potential.
The entire time walking back to the parking lot, I wished the way was longer so I could've been there for him. I wanted to listen to all his troubles and emotions. He told me he's hurt because there are people dependent on him right now. That's the Drew that I'm attracted to_ "Family first".
For the short time that he still has here, I'd wish to be there for him. I'm willing to lend an ear, to just be there when he needs somebody. I want to develop a friendship that lasts until he comes back. Drew said his life will be on pause, and he'll resume when he comes back. I wanted to tell him that we'd be on pause too, when he comes back we can be friends or maybe even something more. Though it's only been such a short time, I'm grateful to know somebody like him. Real people with real problems.
I will write. I will try to write.
I'm sad and missing him already.
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| Devon and I's mini-date on 06/05
We were supposed to see Del tha funkeyhomosapien at the Fillmore, but due to the underground explosion downtown, it was cancelled. I was bummed for a minute.
So we walked across the street to Rasselas_ it was really nice! so very appropriate, and vodka tonic could only make it better
Danielle got buzzed and threw up, so Josh_ Trevor's brother, came and picked her up.
Devon, Jermaine ( the blackest name for the whitest kid), and I continued on our Three Amigos adventure.We walked North on Fillmore, stopped by Harry's bar, and had such a blast! The drinks kept coming ( for the guys), and I on the other side enjoyed my (2) vineyard martini. I guess booze does make every better after all. We had so much fun! lolz, Im prolly gonna repeat that 10 more times!
End of the night, we walked back to the hotel, Jermained attempted to breakdance and landed on his finger.. haha
I stayed at the hotel for a bit to sober up, and drove back.
The music was cool, the people (that I came with) were awesome, the chemistry was great, lol what else could I have asked for?
Well, I know, I should have been more flirty, hahahaha, God knows what would happen. or I should have stayed for a bit more before heading back to Alameda  just kidding!
but no, not then, D's my coworker, Al's cousin, and I like him_ so I don't wanna fuck anything up.
Anyways, it can be either way now.
He can always be the one that got away (like Dave hahahah), or the one that I'm gonna hang out with this summer!
p.s: Damn the weather channel, we could have been to the beach party =D
Tu and Tom broke up, so I guess no more hanging out with Dave. I was kinda bummed thinking bout it, but on the other hand, it's all better that way.
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| May he leave and come back the same person that I've always known
Birthday wishes will come true
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